Wednesday, December 23, 2009


(Now, if you're lactose-intolerant, this may not be the game for you...)

Grab some eggnog (with a little extra "kick", if that's your pleasure) and take a swig for each time you've done the following this holiday season:
  • made direct eye-contact/shared a smile with a Santa (this includes the mall variety as well as bearded guys on the street wearing Santa hats)
  • got a little excited when you saw the blue flannel-sleeved arm of the guy who turns the logs on the "Holiday Fireplace" channel on TV
  • performed a random act of kindness and didn't tell anyone about it
  • were lucky enough to be in the presence of a child who still believes in Santa Claus
  • have a friend or relative named Noel/Noelle
  • caught snowflakes with your tongue
  • made a snow angel
  • are wearing Christmas socks right now
  • have reached a point in your life where giving gifts is just as good, if not better than, receiving them
  • have worn/are wearing one (or all) of the following: fake reindeer antlers, a Santa hat, bells
  • secretly shook one of your Christmas presents like an 8 year old
  • have put any of the following on a household pet and taken a picture of it: fake reindeer antlers, Santa hat, harness-with-bells, tinsel
  • have sincerely apologized to said pet for the aforementioned photo shoot
  • secretly think the people in the really nice neighbourhoods who didn't put lights up, suck..(just a little)
  • wish that "peace on earth" included no mention of: Tiger Woods, the Gosselins, or Brangelina again, until, like, March
  • are secretly jealous of your Jewish friends, because they get gifts, like, every freakin' day during Hanukkah
  • have gone/are going to see a movie on Christmas Day (Sherlock Holmes - woot, woot!)
  • feel just a little more Christmas-y (..and/or drunk) after reading this
Happy Holidays, Loved Ones. 

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Conversations With My Family / Five Embarrassing Confessions

(For Jane..)

 Reminiscing between my 11 year old and 3 year old nieces: "Remember when Daddy got those crabs..?"

My mom's familiarity with major social networks:

"Are you on My Face?"

My sister and I discussing the recent increase in gang activity where she lives:

Me: "What is up with Langley and Abbotsford?"

Z: " Nickelback moved here."

My 3 year old niece assessing my T-shirt:

I: "You didn't make that shirt, did you?"

Me: "No. you like it?"

I: "Yeah."

Me: "Uhh, me too..?"

(..And after perusing her mother's bedroom, asked if my sister had "made" the carpet.)
As penance for not writing for so long, I will now own up to five personal facts which range in varying degrees of mortification...

1) I used to think euthanasia was actually "Youth In Asia", which I took to be some young dance troupe from the far east, and could not understand why they were so controversial/constantly in the news.

2) I once stated that I had extensive "customer cervix experience" in a job interview (with a female interviewer, of course).

3) Though it seems to be a mandatory requirement of Canadian citizenship to hate Nickelback, I like approximately four of their songs, including the one playing while I write this.

4) Once while still inebriated at a friend's house, I woke in the middle of the night and unable to find the door to the hall leading to the washroom, tried to open a poster on her wall. When this failed to lead me to urinary salvation, I then proceeded to pee on her carpet and return to bed. In the morning, I remained silent as her dog, Honey, was blamed for the uncharacteristic "accident" (growling, knowing full-well that she had been framed). 
...Sorry, H.

5) I recently acquired a little girl-crush on TV's Rachael Ray which I do not care to analyze and am unable to explain.

It's good to be back.   ;)