Conversations With My Family / Five Embarrassing Confessions

(For Jane..)

 Reminiscing between my 11 year old and 3 year old nieces: "Remember when Daddy got those crabs..?"

My mom's familiarity with major social networks:

"Are you on My Face?"

My sister and I discussing the recent increase in gang activity where she lives:

Me: "What is up with Langley and Abbotsford?"

Z: " Nickelback moved here."

My 3 year old niece assessing my T-shirt:

I: "You didn't make that shirt, did you?"

Me: "No. Why..do you like it?"

I: "Yeah."

Me: "Uhh, me too..?"

(..And after perusing her mother's bedroom, asked if my sister had "made" the carpet.)
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As penance for not writing for so long, I will now own up to five personal facts which range in varying degrees of mortification...

1) I used to think euthanasia was actually "Youth In Asia", which I took to be some young dance troupe from the far east, and could not understand why they were so controversial/constantly in the news.

2) I once stated that I had extensive "customer cervix experience" in a job interview (with a female interviewer, of course).

3) Though it seems to be a mandatory requirement of Canadian citizenship to hate Nickelback, I like approximately four of their songs, including the one playing while I write this.

4) Once while still inebriated at a friend's house, I woke in the middle of the night and unable to find the door to the hall leading to the washroom, tried to open a poster on her wall. When this failed to lead me to urinary salvation, I then proceeded to pee on her carpet and return to bed. In the morning, I remained silent as her dog, Honey, was blamed for the uncharacteristic "accident" (growling, knowing full-well that she had been framed). 
...Sorry, H.

5) I recently acquired a little girl-crush on TV's Rachael Ray which I do not care to analyze and am unable to explain.

It's good to be back.   ;)

Faster Than A Silver Bullet..

I've been thinking about vampires and werewolves lately. You know, more than usual. I have The Historian on hold at the library (in BC you don't have to pay for library cards - very cool). Perhaps it will inspire me. I feel like I need to write about them..

In other news, I'm a BC girl again since May of last year. And while I miss my Calgary friends, frequent sunny periods, no provincial sales tax, and was not missing rats or spiders in the least, I believe it to be a fair trade. Cheap (yummy) sushi, stunningly beautiful scenery and living by the water really ease the pain, I find. Oh and there's some really big Greek festival called "The Olympics" coming to town, too. I hope they serve dolmades. I love those things.

I can't stop listening to "Kim and Jessie" by M83. It's like Icehouse and a John Hughes soundtrack had a baby and let me hold it.

My new job is selling hats at a funky, popular hat store with some very cool cats on Granville Island. That's right. I work under a bridge. Like a troll. But it looks like this, so keep the goat jokes to yourself, sucka.

And I haven't even told you about Belinda the puppet's adventures yet..or Weird Bike Guy. As they used to say on "Hammy Hamster" (thereby taunting my sister and I through several years of childhood): "But that's another story.."

Stay tuned.

More Than Meets The Eye...

3 Things You Need To Look Up On YouTube Today:
secret code words: Falcor urinator, Kassie monster ass, Chad Vader

Falcor - ridiculous, yes...but hey, you've just learned 2 new verbs
Kassie - sure, she's 3 and it's a cuss word, but she has a valid point
Chad - where is season 2??

People Who Should Make Babies Together:

Nicole Kidman & Keith Urban - tall, gifted babies with amazing hair, who know how to throw that shrimp on the barbe

Bumblebee & a blue Jeep Liberty - cutest Matchbox car EVER!

Cameron Diaz & Criss Angel - because a leggy, spazzy baby who levitates would be pretty funny

Shakira & Enrique Iglesias - can you say, "Latin Super Race???" Seriously, just think about it.

People/Things Who Should Never Make Babies Together:

Megatron & My Sister's TV - because I don't think the ticker could handle the 40" screen transforming into an evil robot right in the middle of "General Hospital"

Carrot-Top and Conan O' Brien - even if it was physically possible, do YOU want tall, manic ginger babies taking over the earth? Didn't think so.

Gollum & That Super-Creepy Well-Girl From "The Ring" - *shudder*...*getting up to turn on every light in the house*

Random Thoughts:

I think my love affair with Facebook has cooled down a bit. At first, we were calling each other 10 times a day, but now we're just sharing the Sunday paper and maybe going antique shopping, later.

The astuteness of my 9 year-old niece, when I explained that a guilty pleasure is something you like that you're embarrassed about and she instantly replied, "You mean, how you like "High School Musical?" Yahtzee!

How endearing it is when my sister wakes me up in the morning to ask me something vital, like, what Sonny Crockett's partner, Tubb's first name was, again. Because hey, that "Miami Vice" trivia is crucial.

Movies For The Geek In You (Or Me): (trucks and robots and wizards, oh my!)

Transformers - I was not a die-hard fan of these robots as a kid...I didn't know all of their names and 'specialties', but this is still the most fun I've had at the movies in a while. The CGI was flawless, Shia LaBeouf was great (really enjoying him, lately), the robots had some killer lines, and it just seemed like it was such a blast to make. I love it when that comes across on the screen. I may have also clapped at the end of the film. Possibly. (...and may have also joined in when several others clapped at my second viewing of said film) And since both of my grandfathers have passed on, I'm wondering if there's some kind of human-robot Big Brother program that would allow me to adopt Optimus Prime as a wise and noble grandparent. I think I could learn a lot from him... *****

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - This kid can't catch a break, really...and in this one, it's starting to show. Darker and more introspective than its predecessors, this 5th installment in the magical Harry Potter series felt a bit more rushed to me (though the film was by no means, short). I could feel the sense of urgency enveloping Harry and his friends, as they learned to arm themselves against the encroaching dark forces around them. The casting is always stellar, most notably the church-lady evil of Imelda Staunton's Dolores Umbridge and the delightful spacey- sweetness of newcomer Evanna Lynch's Luna Lovegood. And I adored Gary Oldman in every scene he was in. My only complaint is that there wasn't a lot of auror-action, particularly Tonks, whom I loved in the books. Still, a thrilling, magical ride worth taking. ****

All Mediocre Things Come In Three...

I know. It's been a long time since you read some good(?) movie reviews in haiku form. Never fear, they're baaaaaaack.

Lots of sequels this summer, and as you know, not all 3's are bad (see "Return of the Jedi" and "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban", to name a couple), but some are not as spectacular as their predecessors. Cases in point...

"Spider-Man 3"
Venom scared me more
In the comic book stories
Spidey 2 was better
***1/2

"Shrek 3"
This franchise is
Done like dinner
Eat me, Gingey
***

"Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End"*
Ho ho ho and a
Bottle of dumb
(But we still love Jack)
***1/2

*co-reviewed by Rylee C. Woods, age (almost) 9

I am looking forward to "Transformers" (as long as the bad robots aren't too scary) and am practically chomping at the bit for "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix".

Rylee and I are, as always, more than meets the eye.

Eat your watermelon, kids!

Conversations with My Sister (I)

Y: "I fainted in the video store."

Z: "Which section were you in?"

Y: {pause} I wasn't behind the saloon doors if that's what you're getting at."

Z: "Well, were you in New Releases or...?"

Y: "What difference does it make?? I fainted. In public. I've never done that before!"

Celebrity Crush

The thing about celebrity crushes is, once I find out they're married I can't fantasize about them anymore. I had a brief, but intense fascination with Antonio Banderas back in the day, until I heard he was hitched (pre-Melanie). I just couldn't do it anymore. Just felt wrong. Like when you see a really cute kid and think, "Man, is he gonna' be a hottie when he gets older." Technically, you haven't done anything wrong, but the exit leading to Creepy is just a few miles away.

2007 (almost The Future!)

So it's 2007 and I have A NUB. Since I got my head shaved over 8 months ago, I've been massaging my scalp, using special shampoo, and taking Vitamin E like it's going out of style. And my reward is a rather straggly, bobby-pinned tuft of hair that looks like it really wants to be a pig-tail when it grows up. But it's there and I'm starting to look like myself again. And as my friend A so perfectly put it today, "Unless you've been a girl with really short hair, you will never know what a great achievement the nub is." My mom will be so relieved, er, proud.

In other news, we're 3 years from The Future. Remember when you'd see a show or read a passage from a book that referred to something catastrophic happening "...in the future...year 2010." I'm a little spooked, personally and I think you should be, too. You can laugh it up, but when artificial intelligence starts infiltrating our society and governments are crumbling...oh, wait...

Happy New Year!...(future slaves of robots)